SA vs. AUS

I don't really know what has happened, but the last time these two played each other, I hated them both equally and wanted them both to lose if possible. Now I find myself rooting for those damned, cheerless, god-bothering Proteas. Come on you Saffers! I hate Australian cricket more than I can adequately express. I think It's something to do with Hayden, Symonds, fucking Michael fucking Hussey and captain George W. Bush, as well as all those stupid no-name 29 year old bowlers who are all the bloody same. AAAAAHHHHH!

On sober reflection...

Overall, the last test match has left me feeling both good and bad. Good insofaras we competed on pretty much equal terms for most of the match with arguably the best team in the world, and were undone mainly by the genius of Sehwag and Tendulkar. Bad, because I think it is a reality check in that we played more or less as well as we can (or should) and that we just aint quite up there with the best. Whichever England player you criticise, there simply isn't an obviously better alternative. Moores needs to go, obviously, as he has not improved any part of this team or its performance whatsoever, and seems to be enveloped in stonewalling nonsense-speak. In our terms Pets, he is not a reflective practitioner.
Any road, we need a better coach and a decent spin-coach, but I don't think there's too much else we can do.

Charles in Charge

Just say no, Chris.  Chris?  I think we've lost him...

4 kilos?!

Jesus H. Corbett.

There are rays of hope and laughter in even the darkest times. I was perusing the sports section of the Times of India, and came across an article about how Australian cricketers probably would have followed the same security advice given to England. Marvellously, the headline was-
'Even Aussies would have returned to India'.

Gibbs

Have you seen that that cheating twat Herschelle Gibbs has been caught drink driving and been sent on an alcohol rehabilitation course for a month.

It's a shame they don't have a cheating south african twat rehabilitation course!  Eh?  Eh? Hilarious.

By the way, David Hopps had a go at me on the Guardian blog today for using the word 'disingenuous.'  Humph.

What a twat

My computer now remembers this title, which, once again goes to Matty hayden.

"What is your definition of Australianism?
Uncompromising, very hardworking, fantastic mateship, belief in one another, incredible pride for the country, and being very balanced."

Aren't the first 5 characteristics a contradiction with the last?

I've got a feeling that the font being used here was last used in 'Lords of Midnight' on the Spectrum.

England v India

Its not going very well is it? On the positive side, we've called up Amjad Khan. A bit of viking balls is what is needed. furthermore, it may mean that lisbeth might, just might, have an interest in cricket.

Aus-NZ

May I be the first to say ha ha ha ha ha ha.

what a twat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48eHkZfnGug

this is beyond appalling.

Pat

---

Edit: Thought I'd embed it as well for you. x, KP.

speechless....

this is probably the best/worst thing you will ever see in your life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48eHkZfnGug

I can't say anymore.

Pat

Great Victorian

Lawry link, as promised.

Whimsy

After the latest hilarious instalment of England's 'Can't chase, Won't chase', we are in dire need of whimsy. I've left all my Wisdens at home- can anyone help?

It's good to see Pakistan playing and winning again. No-one will tour there because of all the bombs and that, but haven't there also been bombs going off in India? And yet no-one seems too worried about it. I wonder why that is.

Olden days cricket- well mental!

As an antidote to England getting fisted royally far away, I was trawling through my copy of Wisden 1923 last night, and came across an account of Warwickshire against Hampshire at Edgbaston in that year. In reply to Warwickshire's 220, Hampshire were all out for 15. Following on, they were still in deep trouble as they reached 186 for 6. Wonderfully, from there they made a second innings total of 523 and won the match by 155 runs.
Olden days cricket- well mental!

Why Ravi Bopara doesn't get picked much...

Pietersen doesn't rate him.

That is all.

Don't imagine that running his skipper out has improved that opinion, either.

On Ishant Scharma:

"High praise indeed, and well merited for 15 wickets at 27 on four pitches that gave the fast bowlers next to no encouragement. Ishant is now in the situation that Shane Warne was after his dramatic progress in 1992-93, and how India utilise his talent will be central to plans of global domination. There's no doubt that he has all the attributes required to be the best fast bowler in the world, but on the subcontinent that isn't enough. We were saying the same things about Mohammad Asif three years ago, and look where the misguided fool is now."

Seems harsh on Asif.

"Brad Haddin has a difficult job being the next man after Adam Gilchrist, but his standards during this series were low. India is not an easy place to keep wicket, but Haddin made it look particularly hard. It seemed that in every innings he was taking his glove off and shaking his hand in pain due to a fumble, which can't give the bowlers much confidence.

In the first Test he let through 39 byes, but improved significantly, not giving away more than 10 in a match for the rest of the series. However, the fumbles didn't stop and, as the wicketkeeper sets the tone, they spread through the side. In the last game Haddin made a strange error when he threw his glove at the ball to stop it going past him, costing the side five penalty runs. It wasn't the kind of move expected of a man who captains his state and has been waiting for years for a full-time promotion.

Haddin's batting was always a worry, especially his poor shot selection, and he battled to 163 runs at 27.16. Like Gilchrist, he is desperate to attack, but is much better at picking the wrong ball to hit. The Indians knew he would get himself out and he did. In Mohali he drove wildly at Harbhajan Singh's first flighted offbreak outside off stump and was bowled. On Monday he chipped Amit Mishra limply to mid-off. They were the shots of a one-day player, not those of a Test No. 7. It was only Haddin's second series and he should have some time at home to show what he can do, but he must improve in both disciplines if he is to be a regular in the side."

Throwing his glove at the ball....for fuck's sake!

JJ Krejza 20.5 1 113 2 5.42

Do I like that...

Pat

the s word

Well, there you are. For all you high-minded, principled tossers who pay so little heed to stanford that you don't even know what the score was, we got dicked. It was, however, not as simple as that. It was in fact a devilishly brilliant plan by the england management and team that achieved two things. Firstly, by losing so ridiculously, they robbed stanford's showpiece event of any drama or interest whatsoever, except for the 11 blokes who pocketed a million bucks, and who will now proceed to perform for the west indies as though they don't give a fuck. Secondly, and this must have been planned in tandem with the aussies, by capitulating in such a pusillanimous manner, they have highlighted how profoundly worthless 20/20 is compared with the drama of two fantastic teams going at it for five days.
Trust me- this is the only explanation for what happened.

India v Australia

Can someone please comment at length on the collapse of Australia this morning?

It seems to me that they attempted to hit their way out of a crisis playing the 'aussie' way and came unstuck badly. if this is their tactic for next summer, they may well end up losing the ashes as it is predicable, over-confident and disrespectful of the opposition. They haven't quite woken up to the fact that the rest of the world are much closer to them than in the past even if they remain very good in many way and are not a push-over.

What does anyone else think?...other than the fact it is too soon to talk about the Ashes. Anyway, the India series against us could be very good.

Sachin is a legend

There is a lot to talk about to be found in this clip from you tube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxiHAW3xmdU&feature=related

Not least two brilliant googlies.

Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes...

Favourite cricket writer, please gents...

You can have a past and a present, if you which to add more grist to the mill.

Is it a straight choice between Athers and Selvey or are there others you bow to first?

India v Australia

I'm very much looking forward to reading about the India v Australia test series which starts tomorrow morning. The Aussies are going in with Watson at 6, Cameron White at 8, with Lee at 9, apparently. Are three front line bowlers and no proper spinner enough? Surely they can't be going for the draw? I'd like to think that they are for the sake of argument.

I was looking forward to jason krejza playing. Ponting:

"One positive coming from that game was I could hear all this yelling and screaming coming from the background and it was Jason on the boundary,"

Ponting said:

"He was really disappointed not to get another bowl. For me that was a good sign."

Does this mean that he's no good, but his attitude reflects enough Aussie sporting cliches for Ponting to want to select him....PLEASE let him play in next year's Ashes...

Kris, like racing green more than lime green...

"You guys are history"

Bit of archive action to cheers us all up...



He was blind as a bat, apparently - "plays by intuition, don't need no buzzers or bells"

Oh, and listen out for Gower at the start - excellent understatement.

World cup 1992

Just watching ESPN classic. Eng vs. SA 1992 World cup. Two things.

1. Phil DeFreitas was actually our best bowler by quite some way, and I seem to remember this being the case for quite some time.

2. Moustaches! This England line-up featured soup-strainers worn by Gooch, Lamb, Botham, DeFreitas and Richard Illingworth. Crikey. And what a team of fat fuckers too.

That is all.

Hatin' Hayden

Just to make us all feel good about kiwis, follow this link to read their opinions of the aussies.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/blogs/sidelineslogger/2008/02/29/hatin-matthew-hayden/

tweaking

look! when langer's not around, he has to tweak his own nipple!

Sri Lanka B

So thanks to the IPL, Lalit fucking Modi and the various pusillanimous cowards sitting on cricket boards around the world, we end up with a Sri Lanka B team touring next year. What a pile of shit. We should refuse to play them. It's an insult. Or we should play a B team ourselves. Or maybe some kind of theme team. How about an eleven made up entirely of finger-spinning all-rounders?
KP (?)
Blackwell
Patel
Swann
errmm...

WELL PUT KING CRICKET

HAYDEN:

“I think this series is tailor-made for guys like me.”

If this series doesn’t entail cricketers standing on a podium, motionless, while a crowd of people point and laugh uproariously, then this series isn’t tailor-made for Hayden.

Sorry for being inattentive to our little blog...

WELL PUT KING CRICKET

HAYDEN:

“I think this series is tailor-made for guys like me.”

If this series doesn’t entail cricketers standing on a podium, motionless, while a crowd of people point and laugh uproariously, then this series isn’t tailor-made for Hayden.

this is disturbing. (from king cricket.) look at how langer is lovingly caressing hayden's nipple. disgusting.

Game

This game is pretty good. Just move the mouse to control the bat.

http://www.foddy.net/Cricket.html

This was just after Mr Ryder put his hand through a toilet window just prior to a ODI in New Zealand. Apparently, it 'was too painful to bat'. Really?

King Cricket

http://www.lancs.tv/index.php?PHPSESSID=1e05891e2ad64a38b4aeb84b3907dfa0&p=0&vid=229&sm=1

This is sort of amusing. The link is from King Cricket website, which is quite amusing, and also features this:

Symonds: Pick me - I’m not a knob now
Bowled on September 16th, 2008 by King Cricket
Ever since he was sent home from Australia’s one-day series against Bangladesh, speculation has been rife about Andrew Symonds. Specifically, that speculation has centred on exactly what kind of aquatic creature molested him as a child.
Some say it was a turbot, some say a merman. Taken as a whole, the evidence seems to point towards it being an in-season dugong or manatee.
In the past week, Symonds has shrugged off this lifelong scar and has now declared himself ready for Test cricket again.

Also this:

Jesse Ryder’s back
Bowled on September 15th, 2008 by King Cricket
Is broad and pudgy and malleable like plasticine. It’s an amorphous, wobbling built-in cushion so he can lie down anywhere and feel comfortable.
It’s also a trap. When Jesse Ryder needs to take all that weight off his feet, he plonks himself down and leans into his back’s exquisitely welcoming blubber. It may offer excellent lumbar support, but from this position he’s unable to rise again. He flails around like an upturned beetle until a passing forklift spies him and rescues him from his plight.

Vox

I've just invited Big Jim & Matty Thomas to join our little foray into multi-author blog/libel activity.

On that note, if anyone wants further invitations to be issued, just email me with the details of the person and I'll do the necessary.

This is quite interesting...

I recently looked at the scorecard for the 1882 Oval Test, and the auditor in me noticed that Fred Spofforth of Australia had bowled 36.3 of the 71.3 overs that England faced. Surely this means that he must have bowled consecutive overs at some stage? I immediately ruled out the possibility that Cricinfo has printed an error, and leapt to the conclusion that the Aussies had cheated, the match should be awarded to England, and all subsequent Ashes matches have been a travesty and sham. Or have I missed something? asked Tom Allkins
Well, as it turns out you haven't destroyed the whole Ashes legend, which started after Australia won that match at The Oval in 1882. Gerald Brodribb's book Next Man In, a fascinating look at how the Laws of Cricket evolved over the years, reveals that the original 1744 code of Laws allowed the bowler to change ends just once during an innings, but allowed him to bowl successive overs when he did. In 1870 this law was tweaked slightly: "Provided he does not bowl more than two overs in succession, a bowler may change ends twice but no more often in an innings." So that's what happened in that 1882 match, and in several others around this time. In 1889 the law was amended again, to allow the bowler to change ends as often as he liked, but removing the ability to bowl successive overs, which remains the case today.

disturbing...

why is this very disturbing?

Stanford- lover of the game or emissary of satan?

How do people feel about the stanford business? I instinctively feel it's odious and ridiculous, fucking black bats and silver stumps- exactly what you would expect to happen if a yank got hold of our game. The stanford league in the windies just looked cheap and nasty on the telly, although it is anything but, obviously. I don't care about whether money motivates the players or not, but it feels suspiciously like the ECB has sold their (and therefore all of English cricket's) soul to one bloke who represents nobody but just happens to have shitloads of cash. I will, of course, be watching every ball.

family members on film

I think that this is my dad 'starring' in the film 'Maurice'. He's the one on the right. I didn't realise that there is such a thing as a 'gay' pull shot.

I think that this is my dad 'starring' in the film 'Maurice':

Is that 22 yards?

Young jarman

Alex please put up the footage of your son's tidy debut for YMCA?

Young jarms

Could you please upload the footage of young

Cigarettes and, probably, alcohol.

The purveyor of moon-balls to whom I referred was not the Snapester, but actually our own PattyC of course, Dumbo.

Sorry if my contribution lacked the requisite bile, allow me to atone by launching a scathing and pointless attack on one of the all-time greats, Mr. Shane Warne, who is a fat bully and a coward. I watched a documentary on telly which included how him and that other all-time great TWAT McGrath helped ruin the career of a promising young black SA batsman who had been included mainly due to quotas. They are both pathetic bullies who deserve our contempt. The English crowd who sang to Warne in '05 'we only wish you were English' are all idiotic, simpering wankers who were actually singing 'we only wish we were aussies' and they should all fuck off there immediately.

Pass the toast rack

I've seen a certain Bristol based cricketer's 'moon ball' turn in a way that surely contravenes several laws of physics. You won't find it youtube, mind.

who turns it more?

Sorry, I'm bored and enjoying the miracle of youtube cricket.

Warne

OR

Murali

OR:

Gile-o

OR:

Tuffers

bradmanesque

Should 'bradmanesque' become a word; or should the word really be 'Vaughanesque'?

Or should Aussies just fuck off?

That was village; utter village.

Moo!

Great little article on the Guardian website today about the village final day at Lords.

Particularly like the hijacking of the scoreboard for some juvenilia.

Ian Bell

is a twat

For evidence that this is the case see:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtj6WeGbwyE

and then

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CqAor_NoiM

What a twat...

Warne and McGrath

It is too early to say whether warne, mcgrath etc. were once in a lifetime players or products of the Aussie cricketing machine.

I strongly suspect the former is correct as the current crop seem to me to be technically excellent but moderately talented players. The coaching system added to the nature of Aussie pitches helps in the development of good batting techniques as well as extreme patience and accuracy from bowlers. There will normally be a large crop of very good players to be picked from. But will they be as good as the 2002 team continually? I seriously doubt it. All this Aussie triumphalism about their cricketing prowess seems to me revisionist. But the fall which befell the West Indies when they were last in the position of Australia is, I think, unlikely to occur. More competitive test cricket, however, is likely over the next couple of years.

England's cricketing conundrum

Most of England keepers in recent years have one of the following batting styles: unothodox accumulators of ones and twos, limited to one great shot, or hard-hitting bludgeoners. The similarity between all these three groups – which includes read, jones, russell, ambrose, mustard and probably even knott – is that they are good for test fifties now and again, and will average around the late-20s. I saw Prior on debut, when he made a century against the West Indies, and it was clear he was not a batsman which fell into any of these categories. I personally think that he is better than Collingwood and most of the rest in the wings: without a doubt he should bat at 6 in the test team. Furthermore, Alec Stewart has said all season that his keeping has improved dramatically and from the one-dayers he seems to be right. I can’t remember Foster’s batting too well, but I recall it seemed a cut above the competitors (no pun intended), and his keeping is brilliant: he should deputise.