Hahahahahahahaha!

Australia to replace Ponting with Hughes

lest we forget...



Hahahahahaha...

bradmanesque

Should 'bradmanesque' become a word; or should the word really be 'Vaughanesque'? Or should Aussies just fuck off?

england are alright at cricket

is this why no one has anything to say anymore? because we are pummeling teams at will and about to become number one for our efforts? no one is rubbish nor objectionable in the team. those waiting for the call are good, and seem like nice chaps as well. so there's not much disagreement there either. i guess one could down a tequila or two in the time it takes to mull over the merits of bopara.

on top of that, Australia are fucking rubbish, so there's no point talking about that either. there's only so much mileage one can get from repeatedly saying they're fucking shit.(admittedly, it might just about get you to fucking Cootamundra.)

oh, and the BCCI and 20-20 are both responsible for india's demise. obvious. nothing more to say.

anything?

Umpires

This table was linked in the guardian's obo coverage. It's great.

http://blog.dominicsayers.com/2011/04/12/umpire-ranking/

Poetry

Kris, am I allowed to put one of James Gooman's poems on here? You know, the one Ash quoted on facebook.

Children with the same names as famous cricketers. Part 1.

There's a kid in my school called Waqar Younis.

Apropos of nothing

Not cricket

So much to say about the World Cup and I sure as shit am not the person to encapsulate all of that madness.

I'm here for a purely social enquiry...

The Jayhawks are playing Manchester Academy on 4th August. That's the full gang.

Does that come close to ringing any middle-aged bells? Is this relatively close to a good reason to meet up, drink beer and listen to alt-country harmony heaven?

Just thinking out loud...

yes

What do you call an aussie with a test century?

A bowler....

yes

What do you call an aussie with a test century?

A bowler....

victory is ours....

Yes....

Victory last night was a massive achievement for all the Fetch'ers. I just wish we'd been together to congratulate ourselves on it. It is pleasing to the core of my being, and, I feel, well, healed...I can now start behaving normally about cricket.

Anyway, to celebrate, let's go back to some older posts:


07/8/09:

"Ian Bell
Whilst for some the jury remains out on Australia's cuntness, the fact that ian bell is a massive twat is like an immutable law of nature and will remain so for all time. When the mountains have crumbled and lizards rule the earth once more, he will still be a little nonsense spouting ginger twat.
My lack of opinion either way about ian bell has ended, by the way."

AND

28/1/09:

"Stuart Broad opts out of the IPL.

Given that he's the only person likely to get a place after Flintoff and Pietersen he's turned down a shit load of dosh. He cited the need to rest up for the ashes.

GOOD LAD!

HE CAN BE THE FIRST TO BE OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED 'NOT A TWAT' BY FETCH. WHO ELSE ISN'T A TWAT? IAN BELL NEEDS TO SCORE ABOUT 700 RUNS IN THE UP-COMING SERIES TO QUALIFY."

Well, in fact, it only needed 350 at 80 to do it. I think that 700 in a series should have a grander title.

"Aus v SA
I was just gearing up for the 4th test, when I noticed that SA v Aus tests - which should surely tell us which of this lot are complete twats as well as world champions - start tomorrow.

Central issues:

1. Phil Hughes - Mark Lathwell or yawn 'the next bradman'? Probably someway between the 'r' of 'or' and the 'y' of yawn.

2. Australia's attack: siddle, bollinger, hilfelhaus, johnson. With 'bryce mcgain' as the 'spinner'?

3. Whether Duminy is great or really great?

4. How many toys ponting will throw out the pram when he realises the worst about 1 and 2?

5. Whether - please - some of the new players will reveal themselves as total toss pots when the pressure is on?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It took a couple of years to witness 4, but the answer was 'lots'. On Hughes - More like the 'L' of Lathwell.

I used to think Richard Thomas Ponting resembled Clyde (or, at a push, Zippy).

After his adolescent contretemps with Aleem Dar (best umpire in the world, TM), I've decided he's actually Softy, after all.

best world cup in india ground is...

the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai.

tell you what else is funny:

beer.

i don't even know if he is a cunt. and i doubt anyone could help me out. i suspect strongly that he is though.

Langer

Langer on Hughes:

“I will back him over any other player in Australian cricket,” Justin Langer, the Australia batting coach said. "I hope England keep taunting him."

"When the pressure is on and he absolutely has to score runs, he does. He is a little fighter."

Say this in a comedy Cheryl Cole accent, and it becomes very funny.

that was good.

i was wondering whether the fact that we've destroyed them today, with pretty good bowlers, suggests that when they used to do this to us with very good bowlers makes our 90s-early-00s side a bit better than it appeared?

i remember when one of the cunts said butcher's 200-odd (did i imagine that? i think it was actually a 100) was one of the best in ashes history. we already know that the nas's was.

diary

I wondered whether we ought to prove out commitment to the game by diarising our

spot the aussi supporter

botham is not on my christmas card list.

but, i have to say he was quite funny today playing 'spot the aussi supporter'.

truth was that there were very few at the ground - i know its the last day and all, but still: are they really that fair weather?

i'm not even going to bother to call them cunts - they must know that this is shameful, and each must know they are cunts.

Not/What

Jimmy/Mrs. Cricket

free cricket

google free cricket - lots of people stream their tv live: i was a little disconcerted when the guy, who's tv i was watching - virtually - switched to some Islamism fundamentalist site. luckily, his mate (i presume) acted fast, saying: 'i was fucking watching that!'. and cricket was resumed.

i'm watching vipstand at the moment.

best wishes to hafiz.

atherton and holding have basically accused the australain nation of cheating. when gatting's lot won over there apparently they did not get a single lbw go their way. when the international panel was appointed, holding emailed chapple, writing: 'now the west indies won't have to be twice as good as aus to win down under'.

in light of this: the cunt award goes out to all australians involved in cricket. fucking cheating cunts.

BATTLE FEVER

Bring It ON, fuckers! Or, at the very least, drop it at the servants entrance and my man will bring it on later.

Don't know about you bunch but, suddenly, I'm beginning to get a bit giddy.

Despite the fact that I don't have Sky. Despite the fact that I'll only see edited highlights a full 15 hours after I've read about them. Despite the fact that I'll be at work throughout. Despite the fact that Hafiz is recovering from serious heart surgery (yes, sorry about that - couldn't think of a more appropriate way to broach that subject). Despite all these things and, probably, more...

I have got the BATTLE FEVER.

sprinkler dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnvevEUzWvs

If we park the question of whether this is quite funny or fucking embarrasing, I think that Bresnan wins for effort, but lacks style.

Ashes: Kevin Pietersen ready for Xavier Doherty test

this is the headline from bbc.

apparently, xavier (what sort of funking name is that?) will ask kp three questions - the 'test - after which, he will grant him one wish.

the questions:

1) does kp think that if watson grew a mustache he wouldn't be quite so punchable?
2) how can one make the ball spin? apparently warne won't tell anyone in cricket australia how he did it.
3) what's your favorite lunchtime sandwich: egg & cress or Boerewors?

if kp passes this test, he apparently going to wish to have his form back.

(i encourage fellows of 'Fetch!' to offer their own answers.)

phil hughes - likeable but rubbish...

Quality technique from Phil Hughes. Pick him please....

According to Scyld Berry, Callum Ferguson has no technique either

hello

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY6fRWTPJCw&feature=youtu.be

Australia A

I like the Aussie old guard implying that the new guard are a bunch of losers, and intimating that this is part of a wider decline of Australian culture. Let's hope they're right.

Anyway, they've been banging on about Ferguson - bowled fatty bresnan; kawaja - bowled the irrepressible Shazad (actually, he must be very annoying in the dressing room). So, they'll have to go with Hussey and North.

Are they England c.1996 in disguise?

back

Given the ashes are coming up, we do need spit some bile.

I went with Kurt to 'Fellini's Satyricon vs Sun Arun' in the Arnolfini last night. This involved an edited version of an extraordinary and confusing Fellini film set in Ancient Rome with some LA psychedelic 'noise merchants' standing in front providing an extremely loud musical soundtrack. It was extremely odd and quite good in a way - apparently this is what Kurtos is into these days.

My overriding memory of the event, however, was that the main actor in the film looked very much like a young Bob Willis.

Any of you fuckers still there?

Sledging

Everyone love's a good sledge. I hadn't heard this one before.
Rod Marsh to the incoming Beefy- "How's your wife and my kids?"
Beefy- "The wife's fine, the kids are retarded."

Also I'm reading 'How Freddie became Jesus', which is really, really funny.

Sledge

Dr Boycott

Seeing as we are now playing proper test cricket, we can resume our conversations and musings on the subject after a relatively (steve finn style) lengthy lay-off.

On TMS lunch, Boycott was telling a panel that he had got an honorary doctorate from Leeds Met. What did you get it in asked MPV: 'batting, of course' was the reply.

I wish I had a doctorate in batting.

test match bowling

i honestly do not know what our bowling attack will look like at the end of the year. i would appreciate answers (we can deal with the batting next month).

If we play 5 bowlers, I rather like the look of:

Swann (ace)
Broad (not a jibber)
Shahzad (surprisingly quick, and nice bit of reverse this week)
Finn (he falls over)
Anderson (cloudy = quick, sunny = slow)

Taking along:

Sidebottom (old)
Bresnan (average)
Onions (injured)
the other spinner...?

who else? despite having 4 dedicated cricket channels, i don't have a clue whats going on in county cricket (i am very clued up on indian domestic) - what about Hussein(?) currently playing a blinder for glos?

I'm not sure we could play 5: - prior at 7 = strong, prior at 6 = weak.

but then it is australia with far better wickets. moreover, take one out of the list above (shahzad?), and the line up looks average and a potential disaster if the sun is shining (as it will).

phil neville.

Phil [Neville] was captain of the England under-15 side at football and cricket. He was brilliant. I know it's a big statement, but he was better than Flintoff at the time.

High praise for the Everton footballer from Steve Kirby

swann

Swann apparently bowled "one which went the other way" on purpose. Are there no limits to the talent of this man?

Unrelated

Was actually quite sad to hear about the suicide of Sparklehorse's Mark Linkous. The three albums I've got of his are really good.
But man what a way to go. To find a dark alley and shoot yourself in the heart! Fucking hell.
A cry for help this was not.

pakistan have dropped yusuf and younis for ever

I don't need to say anymore surely...

is kemar roach fast

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d83O7VbZnkk

buffet bowling

Did you see that Cook when for 111 off 5 overs against Bangladesh A today attempting to induce the follow-on?

buffet bowling

Did you see that Cook when for 111 off 5 overs against Bangladesh A today attempting to induce the follow-on?

Winter olymics latest...

back to cricket

although dwarkin's comments were spot on. i actually find his anti-god rants just as fanatical as any religious nut.

but, back to what's important.

scidmark's 7-51 was quite awesome.

and if sa (world no 2) beat india (world no 1), does that mean that we're actually good by way of the drawn series?

Unrelated

I just saw this quote from Richard Dawkins about Catholic child abuse-
"Horrible as sexual abuse no doubt was, the damage was arguably less than the long-term psychological damage inflicted by bringing the child up Catholic in the first place."
Ho ho, nice one.

smuggness

Mohammad Imran Tahir, Born March 27, 1979, Lahore, Punjab.

(Does this mean that we're going to have to give pieterson and trott back?)

australians

i've just returned from down under, and i have to say that when it comes to cricket, they are a bunch of delusional wankers.

its actually impossible to have a rational discussion with then about the topic. For example:

1) Aus are still the best team in the world.
2) Hadden is the best keeper/bat in world cricket.
3) Johnson's batting is reminiscent of gillchrist.
4) They should have won the last ashes.
etc.

dispute anyone of these 'facts' and expect a diatribe of cuntishness, normally concluding that england are worse than the wi.

the reason for this, they will tell you, is that 1) we lost to wi, therefore we are not as good as them and; 2) they beat india in india, therefore they are better than them. (the fact that we beat them, in this impeccable logic, is lost on them).

Today

A few things about today:

1. Steyn v Collingwood was ace. 'Brigadier Block' used to be a fast scoring one-day specialist after all. Steyn is a worthy replacement for Donald: I wonder whether he shares Alan's love of hip-hop?

2. Apparently Jimmy Anderson has a very good line in left-arm spin.

3. If anyone says that we were lucky, our lower order have clearly worked unbelievably hard on their batting and are very competent tail-enders. They are not 'blowawayable'. Having Swann at 9 helps though.

4. I wondered whether Cook's slogging against Harris was an attempt to get him out of the attack, thus forcing SA to rely upon their 4 seamers for 5 sessions and thus make the draw easier to achieve. Smith didn't bowl him much today did he?

5. Bell has now top scored in the first innings of the last ashes test, set up the victory in the second test in SA and batted for his life today. Has he turned the corner....probably not...

off topic

sorry if you've already told me about this one, but check out the song 'the fade', by megafaun.
it's really good.

Two Things

Firstly, since Jimmy has now turned down trying to play for the IPL as well as Broad, does that make him both ace, and 'not a twat'?

Secondly, read this article in case there remained any lingering doubts as to whether Graham Smith is a MASSIVE twat. http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/dec/15/steve-harmison-england-graeme-smith

nz cricket

vittori has taken 485 first class wickets, and 311 were in tests (96 tests, 148 first class). is it any wonder that nz cricketers aren't much cop - all they do is play test cricket, and that's not a particularly good place to learn. if i had to practice playing at test level, i wouldn't be any good either.

by the way, has anyone pressed the 'report abuse' button at the top of the page? what happens? do the kc anger-squad pay said abuser a visit? i feel like pressing it in lieu of jarman's personal attack on me, some time ago, because i like the Band of Heathens.

Pietersen

Is a nob.

Mark Davis has been called into the England squad. About time, but probably wrong continent to be making his debut.

I quite like the WI making a fist of it against the new crowned rubbish Australians.

Pat

Petterson is a fucking tosser

Nah, not really, just using a topical boycs related reference to try and get a bit of reaction.
I genuinely believe that there is not a better team in world cricket today than England.
That's probably more controversial than calling pets a tosser.
Fuck india and their nonsense flat track shit. Dravid is the only honourable man amongst them.
Come on chaps.

Woo-hah!

According to Bumble on the telly, Busta Rhymes is a cricket man. His dad played in Trinidad, and apparently he knows a bit about the game. He is also, apparently, a left-handed bat and a 'big unit.'

Zimbabwe's Mark Vermeulen

I hadn't heard anything about this. This guy makes Jesse Ryder look like... well, someone really sensible and normal. Good for world cricket? You decide.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/international/zimbabwe/6298946/Zimbabwes-Mark-Vermeulen-on-the-road-back-from-arsonist-to-international-cricketer.html

horrible

Can you remember how terrible this test match was? Warne's 700th test wicket... England 1st innings		R	M	B	4s	6s	SR
	AJ Strauss	b Warne	50	206	132	1	0	37.87
	46.2 700 for Shane Warne! There it is, his 700th Test wicket and what a ball to reach the milestone! Outside Strauss's off stump, spinning massively back past Strauss's expansive cover drive 101/4
	AN Cook	c †Gilchrist b Lee	11	49	37	1	0	29.72
	10.5 GONE! Cook tried to leave it but was late, couldn't get the bat out of the way - the ball just feathering the bottom, or toe-end of his bat 23/1
	IR Bell	lbw b Clark	7	46	30	0	0	23.33
	20.5 that's about as out as you can get without hitting the stumps. Bell caught in the crease by one that zipped back and hit him on the knee roll, and Bell was off and the crowd were celebrating before Rudi Koertzen's finger had even started it's super slow-mo upwards motion 44/2
	PD Collingwood	c Ponting b Lee	28	115	82	4	0	34.14
	45.6 gone! Straighter this time from Lee, cutting away a touch from Collingwood who is unnerved by the extra bounce, spooning it to Ponting at second slip who took a fine, tumbling catch 101/3
	KP Pietersen	c Symonds b Warne	21	104	70	0	0	30.00
	70.2 Warne strikes, Pietersen, stranded with the rabbits, looks to loft the ball into the stands behind the bowler, and deep mid-off and mid-on converge just inside the ropes and it's Andrew Symonds who makes a difficult catch look ridiculously easy 146/9
	A Flintoff*	c Warne b Clark	13	36	31	1	0	41.93
	55.5 outside Flintoff's off stump, a touch more bounce but it's in the perfect channel. He prods at it with a stiff, concrete-like front leg and the ball flies to Warne who takes a simple catch 122/5
	CMW Read†	c Ponting b Warne	3	28	17	0	0	17.64
	62.6 on off stump, Read flays it straight to Ponting - who was in very close at short extra cover - who took an excellent catch. It was the big, juicy "come and get me" from Warne; outside off, tempting Read, and he couldn't refuse - but he was off balance, spooning the ball airborne 135/6
	SI Mahmood	c †Gilchrist b McGrath	0	11	9	0	0	0.00
	65.4 as was that one, but this time Mahmood aims some kind of airy drive with only partial footwork and a thick edge is well taken by Gilchrist moving swiftly to his right 136/7
	SJ Harmison	c Clarke b Warne	7	11	12	1	0	58.33
	68.2 and the folly of Pietersen leaving his partner exposed is underlined as Harmison heaves a ball full and wide down the throat of mid-on who doesn't have to move 145/8
	MS Panesar	c Symonds b Warne	4	27	19	0	0	21.05
	74.2 Panesar perishes trying to drive Warne down the ground, never getting hold of the ball and barely reaching Symonds at mid-on 159/10
	MJ Hoggard	not out	9	15	10	1	0	90.00
	Extras	(b 2, lb 1, nb 3)	6
	Total	(all out; 74.2 overs; 324 mins)	159	(2.13 runs per over)

	Bowling	O	M	R	W	Econ
	B Lee	13	4	36	2	2.76	(2nb)
	10.5 to Cook, GONE! Cook tried to leave it but was late, couldn't get the bat out of the way - the ball just feathering the bottom, or toe-end of his bat 23/1 45.6 to Collingwood, gone! Straighter this time from Lee, cutting away a touch from Collingwood who is unnerved by the extra bounce, spooning it to Ponting at second slip who took a fine, tumbling catch 101/3
	GD McGrath	20	8	37	1	1.85	(1nb)
	65.4 to Mahmood, as was that one, but this time Mahmood aims some kind of airy drive with only partial footwork and a thick edge is well taken by Gilchrist moving swiftly to his right 136/7
	SR Clark	17	6	27	2	1.58
	20.5 to Bell, that's about as out as you can get without hitting the stumps. Bell caught in the crease by one that zipped back and hit him on the knee roll, and Bell was off and the crowd were celebrating before Rudi Koertzen's finger had even started it's super slow-mo upwards motion 44/2 55.5 to Flintoff, outside Flintoff's off stump, a touch more bounce but it's in the perfect channel. He prods at it with a stiff, concrete-like front leg and the ball flies to Warne who takes a simple catch 122/5
	A Symonds	7	2	17	0	2.42
	SK Warne	17.2	4	39	5	2.25
	46.2 to Strauss, 700 for Shane Warne! There it is, his 700th Test wicket and what a ball to reach the milestone! Outside Strauss's off stump, spinning massively back past Strauss's expansive cover drive 101/4 62.6 to Read, on off stump, Read flays it straight to Ponting - who was in very close at short extra cover - who took an excellent catch. It was the big, juicy "come and get me" from Warne; outside off, tempting Read, and he couldn't refuse - but he was off balance, spooning the ball airborne 135/6 68.2 to Harmison, and the folly of Pietersen leaving his partner exposed is underlined as Harmison heaves a ball full and wide down the throat of mid-on who doesn't have to move 145/8 70.2 to Pietersen, Warne strikes, Pietersen, stranded with the rabbits, looks to loft the ball into the stands behind the bowler, and deep mid-off and mid-on converge just inside the ropes and it's Andrew Symonds who makes a difficult catch look ridiculously easy 146/9 74.2 to Panesar, Panesar perishes trying to drive Warne down the ground, never getting hold of the ball and barely reaching Symonds at mid-on 159/10

	Australia 1st innings		R	M	B	4s	6s	SR
	JL Langer	c †Read b Flintoff	27	45	29	3	0	93.10
	9.2 GONE. Langer has walked. Angling across Langer who drove, on the up, and got a thin outside edge to Read who took a good catch low to his left 44/1
	ML Hayden	c †Read b Mahmood	153	418	265	13	2	57.73
	90.4 oh well bowled, that's a snorter from Mahmood squaring Hayden up who tried to work it to leg, got a thick outside edge to Read. And he walked 363/6
	B Lee	c †Read b Flintoff	0	2	1	0	0	0.00
	9.3 GOT HIM! A lovely ball just moving away from Lee who fished at it, edging it through to Read 44/2
	RT Ponting*	c Cook b Flintoff	7	37	28	0	0	25.00
	17.3 GODDIM! Flintoff banging it in, short and wide and Ponting tries to pull it, gets a top edge to Alastair Cook at midwicket who steadies himself and swallows an easy catch 62/3
	MEK Hussey	b Hoggard	6	37	20	0	0	30.00
	24.1 Hussey, who has been beaten a couple of times in his short stay, is bowled through the gate by Hoggard who brings one back into the left hander. That's the end of a run that has seen him make six fifties on the trot against England 79/4
	MJ Clarke	c †Read b Harmison	5	6	5	0	0	100.00
	25.2 now this is interesting! Harmison's second ball is just short of a length outside off stump, Clarke spars and a thin but oh-so-audible nick is heard all over the ground and Clarke doesn't wait for the decision as a jubilant Chris Read hurls the ball to the heavens 84/5
	A Symonds	c †Read b Harmison	156	327	220	15	1	70.90
	99.2 well bowled, Harmison, but that was a disappointing shot from Symonds. Full and wide - certainly driveable - but Symonds failed to move his feet; going for an expansive drive, he got a thick outside edge which flew to gleeful Read 383/8
	AC Gilchrist†	c Collingwood b Mahmood	1	10	8	0	0	12.50
	92.3 GONE! Well done Mahmood. Very full indeed, and very wide - it deserved punishment, frankly - but moved just a touch away from Gilchrist who got a thick edge, the ball flying to Collingwood at second slip who took a fine catch above his head 365/7
	SK Warne	not out	40	75	54	6	0	74.07
	SR Clark	c †Read b Mahmood	8	34	24	0	0	33.33
	106.5 gone; good-length ball outside off, Clark nibbles at it and it's taken by Read 417/9
	GD McGrath	c Bell b Mahmood	0	9	6	0	0	0.00
	108.3 yes he can! Full, outside off and McGrath squirts it to Ian Bell at point to pick up his 35th duck, denying Warne a fifty 419/10
	Extras	(lb 6, w 1, nb 9)	16
	Total	(all out; 108.3 overs; 505 mins)	419	(3.86 runs per over)

	Bowling	O	M	R	W	Econ
	MJ Hoggard	21	6	82	1	3.90	(1nb)
	24.1 to Hussey, Hussey, who has been beaten a couple of times in his short stay, is bowled through the gate by Hoggard who brings one back into the left hander. That's the end of a run that has seen him make six fifties on the trot against England 79/4
	A Flintoff	22	1	77	3	3.50	(8nb)
	9.2 to Langer, GONE. Langer has walked. Angling across Langer who drove, on the up, and got a thin outside edge to Read who took a good catch low to his left 44/1 9.3 to Lee, GOT HIM! A lovely ball just moving away from Lee who fished at it, edging it through to Read 44/2 17.3 to Ponting, GODDIM! Flintoff banging it in, short and wide and Ponting tries to pull it, gets a top edge to Alastair Cook at midwicket who steadies himself and swallows an easy catch 62/3
	SJ Harmison	28	6	69	2	2.46
	25.2 to Clarke, now this is interesting! Harmison's second ball is just short of a length outside off stump, Clarke spars and a thin but oh-so-audible nick is heard all over the ground and Clarke doesn't wait for the decision as a jubilant Chris Read hurls the ball to the heavens 84/5 99.2 to Symonds, well bowled, Harmison, but that was a disappointing shot from Symonds. Full and wide - certainly driveable - but Symonds failed to move his feet; going for an expansive drive, he got a thick outside edge which flew to gleeful Read 383/8
	SI Mahmood	21.3	1	100	4	4.65	(1w)
	90.4 to Hayden, oh well bowled, that's a snorter from Mahmood squaring Hayden up who tried to work it to leg, got a thick outside edge to Read. And he walked 363/6 92.3 to Gilchrist, GONE! Well done Mahmood. Very full indeed, and very wide - it deserved punishment, frankly - but moved just a touch away from Gilchrist who got a thick edge, the ball flying to Collingwood at second slip who took a fine catch above his head 365/7 106.5 to Clark, gone; good-length ball outside off, Clark nibbles at it and it's taken by Read 417/9 108.3 to McGrath, yes he can! Full, outside off and McGrath squirts it to Ian Bell at point to pick up his 35th duck, denying Warne a fifty 419/10
	MS Panesar	12	1	52	0	4.33
	PD Collingwood	3	0	20	0	6.66
	KP Pietersen	1	0	13	0	13.00

	England 2nd innings		R	M	B	4s	6s	SR
	AJ Strauss	c †Gilchrist b Lee	31	173	107	2	0	28.97
	37.5 GODDIM, that's the length from Lee. Fuller and straighter, Strauss drives and gets a thick outside edge which flies through to Gilchrist and Lee celebrates like a cowboy, swishing his hand in a circular motion above his head 90/5
	AN Cook	b Clark	20	64	46	1	0	43.47
	14.5 GONE! A lovely delivery from Clark, pitching it right up, swinging in to Cook who got a thick inside edge to knock out his off stump 41/1
	IR Bell	lbw b McGrath	2	21	11	0	0	18.18
	19.2 GONE: Rudi has given an lbw. It hit him above the knee roll and Rudi raises his slow finger of death 48/2
	KP Pietersen	b Clark	1	7	8	0	0	12.50
	20.5 GONE! What a delivery from Clark, cutting back into Pietersen who drove expansively, completely misreading the movement and it pings back his off stump 49/3
	PD Collingwood	c Langer b Lee	16	52	38	0	0	42.10
	31.4 dear, oh dear. Loose drive spanked straight to Langer at short extra cover, a good catch slightly to his left, and Lee turns in triumph to his detractors ... who carry on singing regardless! 75/4
	A Flintoff*	lbw b Clark	25	60	45	2	0	55.55
	45.5 again this swings into Flintoff, at good pace, who goes for a booming straight drive but is rapped on the pad. He's hit quite high up on his pad but it's good enough for Rudi who raises his finger 108/6
	CMW Read†	not out	26	127	77	1	0	33.76
	SI Mahmood	lbw b Warne	0	3	2	0	0	0.00
	46.3 GONE! The flipper! What a ball from Warne. Mahmood didn't have a clue, as it hurried onto him and he couldn't get his bat down in time 109/7
	SJ Harmison	lbw b Warne	4	44	26	0	0	15.38
	56.5 full, Harmison lunges forward but misses and the ball hits him on his back foot and that's about as out as you can get, right in front of middle and hitting about a third of the way up 127/8
	MS Panesar	c Clarke b Lee	14	20	19	2	0	73.68
	61.2 bouncer, well aimed, and Panesar doesn't know whether to duck or play it, and the self-preservational jab loops to Michael Clarke in the slips. It's almost curtains now ... 146/9
	MJ Hoggard	b Lee	5	21	20	0	0	25.00
	65.5 that's it, full and right through Hoggard's half-hearted defence 161/10
	Extras	(lb 12, w 1, nb 4)	17
	Total	(all out; 65.5 overs; 301 mins)	161	(2.44 runs per over)

	Bowling	O	M	R	W	Econ
	B Lee	18.5	6	47	4	2.49	(3nb)
	31.4 to Collingwood, dear, oh dear. Loose drive spanked straight to Langer at short extra cover, a good catch slightly to his left, and Lee turns in triumph to his detractors ... who carry on singing regardless! 75/4 37.5 to Strauss, GODDIM, that's the length from Lee. Fuller and straighter, Strauss drives and gets a thick outside edge which flies through to Gilchrist and Lee celebrates like a cowboy, swishing his hand in a circular motion above his head 90/5 61.2 to Panesar, bouncer, well aimed, and Panesar doesn't know whether to duck or play it, and the self-preservational jab loops to Michael Clarke in the slips. It's almost curtains now ... 146/9 65.5 to Hoggard, that's it, full and right through Hoggard's half-hearted defence 161/10
	GD McGrath	12	2	26	1	2.16	(1w)
	19.2 to Bell, GONE: Rudi has given an lbw. It hit him above the knee roll and Rudi raises his slow finger of death 48/2
	SR Clark	16	6	30	3	1.87	(1nb)
	14.5 to Cook, GONE! A lovely delivery from Clark, pitching it right up, swinging in to Cook who got a thick inside edge to knock out his off stump 41/1 20.5 to Pietersen, GONE! What a delivery from Clark, cutting back into Pietersen who drove expansively, completely misreading the movement and it pings back his off stump 49/3 45.5 to Flintoff, again this swings into Flintoff, at good pace, who goes for a booming straight drive but is rapped on the pad. He's hit quite high up on his pad but it's good enough for Rudi who raises his finger 108/6
	SK Warne	19	3	46	2	2.42