Zimbabwe's Mark Vermeulen

I hadn't heard anything about this. This guy makes Jesse Ryder look like... well, someone really sensible and normal. Good for world cricket? You decide.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/international/zimbabwe/6298946/Zimbabwes-Mark-Vermeulen-on-the-road-back-from-arsonist-to-international-cricketer.html

horrible

Can you remember how terrible this test match was? Warne's 700th test wicket... England 1st innings		R	M	B	4s	6s	SR
	AJ Strauss	b Warne	50	206	132	1	0	37.87
	46.2 700 for Shane Warne! There it is, his 700th Test wicket and what a ball to reach the milestone! Outside Strauss's off stump, spinning massively back past Strauss's expansive cover drive 101/4
	AN Cook	c †Gilchrist b Lee	11	49	37	1	0	29.72
	10.5 GONE! Cook tried to leave it but was late, couldn't get the bat out of the way - the ball just feathering the bottom, or toe-end of his bat 23/1
	IR Bell	lbw b Clark	7	46	30	0	0	23.33
	20.5 that's about as out as you can get without hitting the stumps. Bell caught in the crease by one that zipped back and hit him on the knee roll, and Bell was off and the crowd were celebrating before Rudi Koertzen's finger had even started it's super slow-mo upwards motion 44/2
	PD Collingwood	c Ponting b Lee	28	115	82	4	0	34.14
	45.6 gone! Straighter this time from Lee, cutting away a touch from Collingwood who is unnerved by the extra bounce, spooning it to Ponting at second slip who took a fine, tumbling catch 101/3
	KP Pietersen	c Symonds b Warne	21	104	70	0	0	30.00
	70.2 Warne strikes, Pietersen, stranded with the rabbits, looks to loft the ball into the stands behind the bowler, and deep mid-off and mid-on converge just inside the ropes and it's Andrew Symonds who makes a difficult catch look ridiculously easy 146/9
	A Flintoff*	c Warne b Clark	13	36	31	1	0	41.93
	55.5 outside Flintoff's off stump, a touch more bounce but it's in the perfect channel. He prods at it with a stiff, concrete-like front leg and the ball flies to Warne who takes a simple catch 122/5
	CMW Read†	c Ponting b Warne	3	28	17	0	0	17.64
	62.6 on off stump, Read flays it straight to Ponting - who was in very close at short extra cover - who took an excellent catch. It was the big, juicy "come and get me" from Warne; outside off, tempting Read, and he couldn't refuse - but he was off balance, spooning the ball airborne 135/6
	SI Mahmood	c †Gilchrist b McGrath	0	11	9	0	0	0.00
	65.4 as was that one, but this time Mahmood aims some kind of airy drive with only partial footwork and a thick edge is well taken by Gilchrist moving swiftly to his right 136/7
	SJ Harmison	c Clarke b Warne	7	11	12	1	0	58.33
	68.2 and the folly of Pietersen leaving his partner exposed is underlined as Harmison heaves a ball full and wide down the throat of mid-on who doesn't have to move 145/8
	MS Panesar	c Symonds b Warne	4	27	19	0	0	21.05
	74.2 Panesar perishes trying to drive Warne down the ground, never getting hold of the ball and barely reaching Symonds at mid-on 159/10
	MJ Hoggard	not out	9	15	10	1	0	90.00
	Extras	(b 2, lb 1, nb 3)	6
	Total	(all out; 74.2 overs; 324 mins)	159	(2.13 runs per over)

	Bowling	O	M	R	W	Econ
	B Lee	13	4	36	2	2.76	(2nb)
	10.5 to Cook, GONE! Cook tried to leave it but was late, couldn't get the bat out of the way - the ball just feathering the bottom, or toe-end of his bat 23/1 45.6 to Collingwood, gone! Straighter this time from Lee, cutting away a touch from Collingwood who is unnerved by the extra bounce, spooning it to Ponting at second slip who took a fine, tumbling catch 101/3
	GD McGrath	20	8	37	1	1.85	(1nb)
	65.4 to Mahmood, as was that one, but this time Mahmood aims some kind of airy drive with only partial footwork and a thick edge is well taken by Gilchrist moving swiftly to his right 136/7
	SR Clark	17	6	27	2	1.58
	20.5 to Bell, that's about as out as you can get without hitting the stumps. Bell caught in the crease by one that zipped back and hit him on the knee roll, and Bell was off and the crowd were celebrating before Rudi Koertzen's finger had even started it's super slow-mo upwards motion 44/2 55.5 to Flintoff, outside Flintoff's off stump, a touch more bounce but it's in the perfect channel. He prods at it with a stiff, concrete-like front leg and the ball flies to Warne who takes a simple catch 122/5
	A Symonds	7	2	17	0	2.42
	SK Warne	17.2	4	39	5	2.25
	46.2 to Strauss, 700 for Shane Warne! There it is, his 700th Test wicket and what a ball to reach the milestone! Outside Strauss's off stump, spinning massively back past Strauss's expansive cover drive 101/4 62.6 to Read, on off stump, Read flays it straight to Ponting - who was in very close at short extra cover - who took an excellent catch. It was the big, juicy "come and get me" from Warne; outside off, tempting Read, and he couldn't refuse - but he was off balance, spooning the ball airborne 135/6 68.2 to Harmison, and the folly of Pietersen leaving his partner exposed is underlined as Harmison heaves a ball full and wide down the throat of mid-on who doesn't have to move 145/8 70.2 to Pietersen, Warne strikes, Pietersen, stranded with the rabbits, looks to loft the ball into the stands behind the bowler, and deep mid-off and mid-on converge just inside the ropes and it's Andrew Symonds who makes a difficult catch look ridiculously easy 146/9 74.2 to Panesar, Panesar perishes trying to drive Warne down the ground, never getting hold of the ball and barely reaching Symonds at mid-on 159/10

	Australia 1st innings		R	M	B	4s	6s	SR
	JL Langer	c †Read b Flintoff	27	45	29	3	0	93.10
	9.2 GONE. Langer has walked. Angling across Langer who drove, on the up, and got a thin outside edge to Read who took a good catch low to his left 44/1
	ML Hayden	c †Read b Mahmood	153	418	265	13	2	57.73
	90.4 oh well bowled, that's a snorter from Mahmood squaring Hayden up who tried to work it to leg, got a thick outside edge to Read. And he walked 363/6
	B Lee	c †Read b Flintoff	0	2	1	0	0	0.00
	9.3 GOT HIM! A lovely ball just moving away from Lee who fished at it, edging it through to Read 44/2
	RT Ponting*	c Cook b Flintoff	7	37	28	0	0	25.00
	17.3 GODDIM! Flintoff banging it in, short and wide and Ponting tries to pull it, gets a top edge to Alastair Cook at midwicket who steadies himself and swallows an easy catch 62/3
	MEK Hussey	b Hoggard	6	37	20	0	0	30.00
	24.1 Hussey, who has been beaten a couple of times in his short stay, is bowled through the gate by Hoggard who brings one back into the left hander. That's the end of a run that has seen him make six fifties on the trot against England 79/4
	MJ Clarke	c †Read b Harmison	5	6	5	0	0	100.00
	25.2 now this is interesting! Harmison's second ball is just short of a length outside off stump, Clarke spars and a thin but oh-so-audible nick is heard all over the ground and Clarke doesn't wait for the decision as a jubilant Chris Read hurls the ball to the heavens 84/5
	A Symonds	c †Read b Harmison	156	327	220	15	1	70.90
	99.2 well bowled, Harmison, but that was a disappointing shot from Symonds. Full and wide - certainly driveable - but Symonds failed to move his feet; going for an expansive drive, he got a thick outside edge which flew to gleeful Read 383/8
	AC Gilchrist†	c Collingwood b Mahmood	1	10	8	0	0	12.50
	92.3 GONE! Well done Mahmood. Very full indeed, and very wide - it deserved punishment, frankly - but moved just a touch away from Gilchrist who got a thick edge, the ball flying to Collingwood at second slip who took a fine catch above his head 365/7
	SK Warne	not out	40	75	54	6	0	74.07
	SR Clark	c †Read b Mahmood	8	34	24	0	0	33.33
	106.5 gone; good-length ball outside off, Clark nibbles at it and it's taken by Read 417/9
	GD McGrath	c Bell b Mahmood	0	9	6	0	0	0.00
	108.3 yes he can! Full, outside off and McGrath squirts it to Ian Bell at point to pick up his 35th duck, denying Warne a fifty 419/10
	Extras	(lb 6, w 1, nb 9)	16
	Total	(all out; 108.3 overs; 505 mins)	419	(3.86 runs per over)

	Bowling	O	M	R	W	Econ
	MJ Hoggard	21	6	82	1	3.90	(1nb)
	24.1 to Hussey, Hussey, who has been beaten a couple of times in his short stay, is bowled through the gate by Hoggard who brings one back into the left hander. That's the end of a run that has seen him make six fifties on the trot against England 79/4
	A Flintoff	22	1	77	3	3.50	(8nb)
	9.2 to Langer, GONE. Langer has walked. Angling across Langer who drove, on the up, and got a thin outside edge to Read who took a good catch low to his left 44/1 9.3 to Lee, GOT HIM! A lovely ball just moving away from Lee who fished at it, edging it through to Read 44/2 17.3 to Ponting, GODDIM! Flintoff banging it in, short and wide and Ponting tries to pull it, gets a top edge to Alastair Cook at midwicket who steadies himself and swallows an easy catch 62/3
	SJ Harmison	28	6	69	2	2.46
	25.2 to Clarke, now this is interesting! Harmison's second ball is just short of a length outside off stump, Clarke spars and a thin but oh-so-audible nick is heard all over the ground and Clarke doesn't wait for the decision as a jubilant Chris Read hurls the ball to the heavens 84/5 99.2 to Symonds, well bowled, Harmison, but that was a disappointing shot from Symonds. Full and wide - certainly driveable - but Symonds failed to move his feet; going for an expansive drive, he got a thick outside edge which flew to gleeful Read 383/8
	SI Mahmood	21.3	1	100	4	4.65	(1w)
	90.4 to Hayden, oh well bowled, that's a snorter from Mahmood squaring Hayden up who tried to work it to leg, got a thick outside edge to Read. And he walked 363/6 92.3 to Gilchrist, GONE! Well done Mahmood. Very full indeed, and very wide - it deserved punishment, frankly - but moved just a touch away from Gilchrist who got a thick edge, the ball flying to Collingwood at second slip who took a fine catch above his head 365/7 106.5 to Clark, gone; good-length ball outside off, Clark nibbles at it and it's taken by Read 417/9 108.3 to McGrath, yes he can! Full, outside off and McGrath squirts it to Ian Bell at point to pick up his 35th duck, denying Warne a fifty 419/10
	MS Panesar	12	1	52	0	4.33
	PD Collingwood	3	0	20	0	6.66
	KP Pietersen	1	0	13	0	13.00

	England 2nd innings		R	M	B	4s	6s	SR
	AJ Strauss	c †Gilchrist b Lee	31	173	107	2	0	28.97
	37.5 GODDIM, that's the length from Lee. Fuller and straighter, Strauss drives and gets a thick outside edge which flies through to Gilchrist and Lee celebrates like a cowboy, swishing his hand in a circular motion above his head 90/5
	AN Cook	b Clark	20	64	46	1	0	43.47
	14.5 GONE! A lovely delivery from Clark, pitching it right up, swinging in to Cook who got a thick inside edge to knock out his off stump 41/1
	IR Bell	lbw b McGrath	2	21	11	0	0	18.18
	19.2 GONE: Rudi has given an lbw. It hit him above the knee roll and Rudi raises his slow finger of death 48/2
	KP Pietersen	b Clark	1	7	8	0	0	12.50
	20.5 GONE! What a delivery from Clark, cutting back into Pietersen who drove expansively, completely misreading the movement and it pings back his off stump 49/3
	PD Collingwood	c Langer b Lee	16	52	38	0	0	42.10
	31.4 dear, oh dear. Loose drive spanked straight to Langer at short extra cover, a good catch slightly to his left, and Lee turns in triumph to his detractors ... who carry on singing regardless! 75/4
	A Flintoff*	lbw b Clark	25	60	45	2	0	55.55
	45.5 again this swings into Flintoff, at good pace, who goes for a booming straight drive but is rapped on the pad. He's hit quite high up on his pad but it's good enough for Rudi who raises his finger 108/6
	CMW Read†	not out	26	127	77	1	0	33.76
	SI Mahmood	lbw b Warne	0	3	2	0	0	0.00
	46.3 GONE! The flipper! What a ball from Warne. Mahmood didn't have a clue, as it hurried onto him and he couldn't get his bat down in time 109/7
	SJ Harmison	lbw b Warne	4	44	26	0	0	15.38
	56.5 full, Harmison lunges forward but misses and the ball hits him on his back foot and that's about as out as you can get, right in front of middle and hitting about a third of the way up 127/8
	MS Panesar	c Clarke b Lee	14	20	19	2	0	73.68
	61.2 bouncer, well aimed, and Panesar doesn't know whether to duck or play it, and the self-preservational jab loops to Michael Clarke in the slips. It's almost curtains now ... 146/9
	MJ Hoggard	b Lee	5	21	20	0	0	25.00
	65.5 that's it, full and right through Hoggard's half-hearted defence 161/10
	Extras	(lb 12, w 1, nb 4)	17
	Total	(all out; 65.5 overs; 301 mins)	161	(2.44 runs per over)

	Bowling	O	M	R	W	Econ
	B Lee	18.5	6	47	4	2.49	(3nb)
	31.4 to Collingwood, dear, oh dear. Loose drive spanked straight to Langer at short extra cover, a good catch slightly to his left, and Lee turns in triumph to his detractors ... who carry on singing regardless! 75/4 37.5 to Strauss, GODDIM, that's the length from Lee. Fuller and straighter, Strauss drives and gets a thick outside edge which flies through to Gilchrist and Lee celebrates like a cowboy, swishing his hand in a circular motion above his head 90/5 61.2 to Panesar, bouncer, well aimed, and Panesar doesn't know whether to duck or play it, and the self-preservational jab loops to Michael Clarke in the slips. It's almost curtains now ... 146/9 65.5 to Hoggard, that's it, full and right through Hoggard's half-hearted defence 161/10
	GD McGrath	12	2	26	1	2.16	(1w)
	19.2 to Bell, GONE: Rudi has given an lbw. It hit him above the knee roll and Rudi raises his slow finger of death 48/2
	SR Clark	16	6	30	3	1.87	(1nb)
	14.5 to Cook, GONE! A lovely delivery from Clark, pitching it right up, swinging in to Cook who got a thick inside edge to knock out his off stump 41/1 20.5 to Pietersen, GONE! What a delivery from Clark, cutting back into Pietersen who drove expansively, completely misreading the movement and it pings back his off stump 49/3 45.5 to Flintoff, again this swings into Flintoff, at good pace, who goes for a booming straight drive but is rapped on the pad. He's hit quite high up on his pad but it's good enough for Rudi who raises his finger 108/6
	SK Warne	19	3	46	2	2.42

Kiwis

I hate the kiwis. Hate 'em.
Boring, sanctimonious, humourless.
I might even dislike them more than the aussies.
Dunno.

Mohammed Asif

I was extremely pleased to note that Mohammed Asif - the Pakistani Glen McGrath - is back after serving time for being caught in an airport in the middle east with some hash on him (school boy error if there ever was one).

This is good news for world cricket. He is a proper fast bowler - not like the rest of the jokers in fast bowling around the world who claim to be 'world class'.